salt river and the snake..

it takes a very long time to get unused to something in life, especially if it's the good things of our small little petty existence..
thank god it's raining outside. at least some succor to my heartburn..
i seem to be sighing a lot more.. taking a lot more deep breaths.. i'm this close to shutting my phone off. i guess it's always the worst before it gets better. or so i choose to rationalize and fool myself.

imagine having to censor each word, each move, each action. difficult life ahead.

and all i want is a classic 500!

early morning chill.. rain drenched asphalt.. steel..
the stirrings of a city.. other stirrings as well.

quarry..

of course, the inspiration yet doesn't follow.. but like an old man trying out some viagra for the first time and settling down to check the effects on him with a dose of free porn on the internet, i wait titillated.. maybe i'll be able to paint again. maybe i'll be able to write again. perhaps the words will flow just as the river erodes the island regularly and relentlessly. perhaps not.. why does it feel like i've done this before. a yes and a no. this has been the crux so far. so far being just the last couple of years.. can i read the old books again? will i fall in love with the pages like i did the last time.. just as i'm afraid to go back to an old boyfriend after a breakup, i'm scared to read a book that i love the second time.. what if? what if i don't enjoy it so much..

what if i'm just rehashing.. just like i found out that be 23 if you like jokes, you've probably heard them all.. at 30, you've written it all?? no more new thoughts?? what's wrong??