Sunday, September 03, 2006

Enforced Isolation


If I could help it, I would never be here... No, that is a lie! I can always help being where I want to be... what is bothering me is the question: Did I really want to be here? And the ancilliary thoughts that creep up as a consequence... If I wanted to be here, did I want to be isolated and unhappy? If I didn't want to be here, then how the hell did I get here?
The next set of queries also arise: is there a way for me to alleviate my condition? Is there a way for me to escape?

The worst part is that in my quest for answers, all I find myself doing is providing myself with endless justifications... I believe that is a very dangerous sign.. it is the path to doom and destruction of my self... just as the mist covers this town in the hills, it seems to me that I'm trying to cover my eyes with the veil of the so-called life, responsibilities and the semblance of societal independence that I hope to get out of my incarceration...

I need to have a job... this is a good job... this job shall provide me with social standing, as i intend to be a single woman... etc...etc...etc...

silly excuses all of them, I do hope I have the intelligence to spot when I'm stopped being who I am and become what I do.. and I do hope I have the gumption to let go then...hope I do not fool myself any further with more excuses then.. right now, I have to give this a shot, and a fair shot at that....I owe that to myself! Or do I?

10 comments:

Gladiator said...

Think...You are the One.
The chosen One!
:)

xanjukta said...

Who are you?? Gladiator??? Roman Arena??? or what? rather where?? I expect answers this time...

xanjukta said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Carina said...

It's amazing how I always identify myself in your words...

I wish you the best!!

**

ranvijay said...

delhi ........rajendra ngr.....full of gaudy punjabis...

satya said...

Gaudy?

haha, isnt that an understatement.

zeba said...

read few of your posts and my comment on the latest post is....you are an evolved soul....can you get satisfied licking the earth(pascal)??

sanyukta said...

xanjukta and satya left a comment on post-switch

xanjukta said...

saw that woman... and i believe satya replied to that... i'm still debating whether i have something to say or not, or if i should let satya wink away to glory...

satya said...

you are compromising me........what happened to that a-customed change bit?