Thursday, September 21, 2006

Raving and Ranting


What is wrong with me? Has my conduct in life been so far wrong and so inappropriate that I need corrective mechanisms to be put in place so I can function as a right minded cog in the well-oiled (read bribed), much maligned (read the newspapers), oft-abused (ask any citizen) machinery that I am to be part of… Actually the question is: Am I part of the machine or is the machine part of me??? Is this my job, or is this me? I have never been my books, my friends, my parents, my society, my cousins, my lovers… they have been around at one time or the other depending on importance and necessity, but all through it, I have been me.

Suddenly, here I am where there is a conscious effort on to make me feel guilty of being who I am. I like me, I like being me, and I am comfortable with me. Nearly four weeks and I am struggling very hard to respect the ‘others’ for who they are, but their right of swinging their arm, rather their right of using words directed at me, ends where my ear begins. Their words cannot delve deep into my mind, let alone my psyche… if they want to reform someone, go find someone who needs it… I am not screaming for attention, it is not my fault if I look the way I do, wear what I do and think the way I do.

My mind has been carefully groomed, sharpened and edged to cut through bullshit. Social graces are almost inherent by virtue of birth, personal grace is what I was born with, and my dressing sense has been honed under the scanner of people who revel, celebrate and enjoy the way I look. I will give you the inch that you ask, but do not grab the whole fucking kilometer. In that case, I shall give it right back and twice the intensity at least, if not more. And if you want me to look interested, then for heaven’s sake have something worthwhile on display…

Disclaimer: These are my personal views, does not bear any burden on any organization, person, or combination of the two, whether living or dead, real or fictional in any which way.

7 comments:

Gladiator said...

Twice the intensity. way to go!

take a break..! run down to barlowganj and see if they still have the old bakery there. the fresh bread was awesome...oh man, 15 years now...i still remember the smell of the bread.

hey ! post some pics of the hills, if they haven't covered all of them with hotels yet.

xanjukta said...

hey... all the hills in mussoorie are now covered with concrete in some form or the other... am still groggy from the ten day trek in the hills... saw some awesome places, especially on the days that involved walking 20 kms to reach the next village... pristine and beautiful, not many people around except for the fools i was with... am writing an unoffcial trek-report... will be mailing it to all and sundry... soon!!

Abhigyan said...

i suggest you put up the trek report to act as unofficial guide to less lucky souls..

and ur piece is i guess ur way of saying hello to the great indian ruling class...the ruled ones keep changing, they have stayed the same since queen victoria declared the indian colonization in 1857.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sanjukta,
Thats really cool...you been breathing lot of fresh air lately that means...here people go out to tropical countries to get tanned so may be its good for a change...
I am fine...my mother is with me here..so I am reveling in her love and care...working full time and enjoying Moscow autumn..check out www.abhaypics.blogspot.com for pictures...
Did you make any friends there and check Tavern in the downtown?

best..

satya said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
xanjukta said...

kaun sala comment mar ke delete kiya hai??? hum is ki jaanch partal karenge....
tee hee hee...

Aby said...

Wish I could convey the same feelings to some of the people who drive me up the wall often enough.

~ aby
abyjain.com